Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
They are going to name an STD after you.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
