so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
