Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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