the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize