There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize