I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Randomize
