It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
