I just threw up on my dentist
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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