i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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