It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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