I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
