Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
