Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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