I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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