A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
