anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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