Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
