good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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