haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
