we're blogging at a bar
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
