aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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