she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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