Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
