mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
