Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Randomize
