Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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