Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Randomize
