She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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