While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize