how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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