I am in a vortex of obligation.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Bring me that man meat
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
