Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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