There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
