i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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