made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
he just fucked me for my cheese..
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
