we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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