Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
