Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
