Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
