youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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