If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize