I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You've changed since you got that strap on
You are a genius and a whore.
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