No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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