I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
