at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
