I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize