We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
