Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
