Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
FUCK WHALES
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
