so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
