NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
handjob tips. give me some.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
a search helicopter?!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
