hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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