Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
