we're chasing vodka with high fives
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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