I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
