I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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