Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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