Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
