I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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