A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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