I'm drive I can fine osifer
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
