I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she looked like the before picture.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize