Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
there's paper in my vomit.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Randomize
