if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
