I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
