Three words: puerto rican gang bang
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
