i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
