Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
