It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
