I'm lost and stupid without you.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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