You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
