its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
